Ek ajeeb si…

Ek ajeeb si bechaini hai dil me
Jaise kuch galat ho rha hai

Shayad ye darr hai ki
Kahiin kho na jau phirse
Ajnabi seher me
anjaan chehro me 
bas ek aur aam chehra ban ke…

Ek ajeeb sa khaalipan hai
kuch chhoot rha hai
koi bichhad rha hai
Shaayad darr hai
Bheed me akelepan ka….

Ek ajeeb sa thahrav hai
Kashti bhi ruk si gyi hai
Manzil ki khoj me
Yun door aa gaye
Kinaara bas dhoondla sa yaad hai…

Ek ajeeb si khamoshi hai
Bheed me bhi sannata hai
Woh ghanto gaano me doob jaana
Unme zindagi dhoondna
Woh sab ab bas ek khushnuma ehsaas hai…

Ek ajeeb si bechaini hai dil me
Jaise kuch galat ho rha hai…

I want all of you…

I want all of you
The part that the whole world sees
The part that you hide behind a broken smile
And certainly the part that you buried long back
The part that help you smile nervously 
And the part that let you shed tears of joy

I want all of you
Not just some random talks
Not just some awkward hugs
Not just a few breaths exchanged
Not just a few silences shared
And certainly not just the happy moments

I want all of you
I want the cheerful you 
And certainly the sombre you
I want all of you
As that’s the only way i could finally get back the part of me that left with you…

One More Night…

 

[My life begins when ur day dawns

My day wakes up when ur sun yawns]

 

Life behind tainted windows

Is not what I wanted dear

To embrace the sting of lust

I had to bury my last tear

Life behind rusty doors

Is not what I ‘chose’ for me

To stay alive, to live a ‘life’

This is what I ‘had’ to be

I buried all my hopes

I don’t sob anymore

I fake it with a giggle

I don’t smile anymore

A new day

The night doesn’t change

A new body

The touch doesn’t change

A new numbness

But the death doesn’t change

Tainted soul

Buried tears

Dead hopes

Yet I chain the raging uproar

I give u all u want

Yet you return to ask for more

Trying to live a life

What I asked for, I forgot

I asked for love and more, I guess

But this is what I got

One more kiss

One more embrace

It’s all the same

One more night

One more death

It’s all the same

Yeah it’s all the same

It’s a new death every night

This is not what I asked for

But this is what I ‘had’ to be

And this is what that seems so right

One more kiss

One more hug

One more touch

One more act

One more night

One more death

 

[Prostitution – it’s the oldest profession. It’s been there for ages. No rules, No laws… Yet it continues to embrace the pain, the jibes n survives it all to die everynight. The girl is robbed of everything – her dreams, her hopes, her last drop of emotions – yet she continues to lend pleasure to all. It hurts first and then a numbness takes over. The death every night seems familiar. It hurts no more…

Have tried a new topic this time…jara hatke from the regular theme of my posts. What came out in the end seemed a bit raw to me. Do comment on how u feel about it.]

Baato Hi Baato Me (3)

conversation-3

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. (These are lines from some movie whose name I forgot!)

Mr. Nonsense

It’s love that adds life to life

Without love, life’s a whore

What is it that the whore wants?

Just the touch of love and more!

(Period)

Feel my love, baby

Shed all fear

Love doesn’t hurt, baby

There’s no tear

You’re the one baby

You’re the one I love

You’re the one my heart pines for

You’re the one that brings me hope

I wish to hold your hands in mine

Fill the space between your fingers

Fill your heart with my love

Erase every trace of fear that still lingers

Hold your face so soft and delicate

Trace my way through the tresses

Touch the tender lips and watch them curve

And wipe away your tear with a gentle caress

You’re the one who gives me butterflies

When I hear just your name

You’re the one without whom

Life to me is an unfair game

This heart’s yours baby

The embrace’s for you to fill in

This door’s been waiting for you

Shed all your fears and just walk in

Let me hold you close, baby

Let me feel ur breathe on my skin

Let me touch ur lips with mine, oh dear

Let me feel the simmering heat within

I just want to be yours baby

I just want you to be mine…

(Period)

Ms. Logical

You sound too krazy to be true

But your words give a new hope

I feel a new sense of numbness

As I watch my fears elope

Take me in your arms dear

Let the bodies twine

You profess your love in a way so sweet

Can the girl in me ever decline?

Baato Hi Baato Me (2)

conversation1

“I’ve always believed in numbers. In the equations and logics… that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask, what truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional… and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career; the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love… that any logical reasons can be found. I’m only here tonight because of you. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons.” Russell Crowe as John Forbes Nash in ‘A Beautiful Mind’

Ms. Logical:

My obsession for logic

Is a pretext to hide my fear

It’s love’s treacherous ways

That I always get to hear

I’m just not ready to embrace love

Cos I hate to shed a tear

(Period)

I’m just not ready for love

It hurts you down and deep

It takes your breathe away

It robs you of your sleep

It binds you in shackles

Leaves behind marks in red

It gives you pain you ‘cherish’ lifelong

Dreadful memories that you cannot evade

Mr. Nonsense:

Your fear for love’s treachery

Surprises me the least

Like life without pulse

Love without pain

Can never ever exist

But the pain that love brings

Doesn’t always leave memories sore

It’s love that adds life to life

Without love, life’s a whore

(Period)

Neural Striptease

“…but which one to press? The sound is irritating me. Tell me quick.”

“The power switch on the top right corner, ma’am.”

“Why would I ring up if I knew which one is the power switch? There are like a hundred buttons! Can’t u just have one for everything? Just note down this as a complaint.”

(To self: Argh! I hate these – these gori firangis are all dumb. Don’t know what makes these guys drool over these buffoons who can’t even switch off a dish washer.)

“Ma’am! The model you’re using is DC 2341. It has just 4 buttons to be specific. There’s just one switch on the top right corner. That’s the one which switches it off.”

“Tell me which one!”

“The red one, ma’am. It’s the only one in red. Below it in small letters, “power switch” is written in bold capitals. Could you find that?”

“Ah! You should have told me this before. You’ve wasted 20 mins. I’ll sue your company. You people need to improve your communication. Put this as a complaint.”

“(Arrgghhh…) Sorry Ma’am for the inconvenience caused. Looking forward to more calls in future. Have a good day!”

And I was so glad to disconnect. I get 20-25 such calls daily. All of them from beyond the oceans – each one of them was peculiarly dumber than the previous one. I had to do it everyday – for 12 hours daily. That’s my job.

It was already 11. I was done for the day. I forwarded the details of the day’s conversations to my boss, picked up my bag and was all set to leave.

“…Jai Ho…Jai Ho…” My cell was screaming the Oscar winner. A number was flashing on the screen. Just when I was about to answer, it stopped chillao-ing. Like always, I didn’t care to call back. Tired after a hectic day, I just threw it on the back seat. I was expecting it to ring again. But it didn’t.

After having parked my car, I thought of strolling around a bit on the deserted street. Walking has always been my favourite activity to rejuvenate a bit after such ‘wonderful’ days at office. There’s nothing so relaxing as a small walk on such wintry nights. The bustling crowds had disappeared. The fading light from the lamps blended well with the drowsy mood and the thick blanket of fog all around. The sombre night had engulfed the entire city in its frosty embrace before falling into deep slumber, covered under the cozy blanket of the serene night sky.

…Jai Ho…Jai Ho…” My cell, now in my pocket, was ringing again. The same number flashed again. “Hello!” I greeted the familiar sound one hears when someone hangs up. I checked the time. It was already 12.30. I decided to return. On my way back, I felt a bit weird. I felt like I heard something – may be a whistle, may be footsteps. It wasn’t too clear. But, it freaked me for sure. “Nights are not known to be too friendly with girls”, the words of Ma, which I always ignored, were now echoing within me. It was a strange feeling. I never felt so unsafe before. I was no more walking. I reached home panting and huffing. Bang. I just slammed the door as soon as I stepped in.

Now within the cozy confines of my house, I felt a lot relaxed and relieved. I showered and slipped into my pink gown. I had just slithered under the blanket when my phone rang again, though it wasn’t my cellfone this time. Too tired and lazy to move out once in my bed, I ignored it the first time and the second time too. The third time, when it rang again, I decided to give a piece of my mind to that @#$%#^$ on the other side. But just like earlier occasions, the phone stopped ringing before I could pick it up. I felt a bit awry.

Thud! A flower vase had fallen from the roof. The fear in me was gaining roots. Now I could clearly hear someone moving on my roof. I heard the door to the roof creaking, like it always does when it’s opened.  I picked up the knife from the dining table. There was a killing silence for a few seconds as my heart skipped a few beats. The deafening silence was followed by sounds of someone descending down the stairs.

Next I wake up to find myself on a bed in a hospital.

“Welcome back sweetheart!” Vipul said as he kissed my forehead.

 “Thank God! Finally you’re here Vipul! I felt so afraid and lonely without you! But what am I doing here?”

 

Few feet away, I saw a doc and Nisha, my sis, talking to a cop.

“How is Alia related to the victim? How long have they known each other?”

“Vipul was didi’s fiancé. They’ve been seeing each other for last 3 years. They actually stayed together.”

“Ah! Same old story of cheating, I guess… and then ur didi Alia stabbed him as she couldn’t take it any more. Any quarrels between them that you know of?”

“But sir, they loved each other. They were actually planning a marriage next summer.”

“Yes or No?”

“No! Sir, why don’t you understand? Didi is just ill and she needs medicines and a bit of rest. But….”

“Don’t cook up stories. Your didi has been trying to convince me with hers since morning – missed calls, flower vase, car crash, and intruder-through-staircase – I’ve checked the whole scene of murder. Her phone is dead since last month. Incoming facility on her cell has been withheld since a weekend. There’s no sign of any car crash. And finally, there’s no access to her roof. Now c’mon! You should at least use your brains while making up those stories. You people sound like typical bollywood…”

“Why don’t you tell him doctor?”

“Yes, the girl is right? She’s ill. And in the frame of mind that she’s in right now, she has a different world around her.”

“What is it exactly?”

“Schizophrenia”, said the doctor.

(Silence)

I guess I’ve heard the word before.