OUTRAGEOUS!
This is dedicated to all the ‘gundis’.
Disclaimer: Is kavithha ke kuch bhi baatein kalpanik nahi hain. Iska vastavik jeevan k saath sampurna sambandh hai. Agar aisa nahi hota hai toh ise maatra ek sanyog kaha jayega.
Tank tops
Faded Jeans
Gotta look sexy
By any means
I wear Pink with Brown
That’s my style
I fool you with cosmetics
And my bewitched smile
I am just above 60
And another 20-plus
My ideal match is Brad Pitt
Rest all guys are so gross
I fool a hundred on Orkut
With Aish on my profile
I fool a score more on G-talk
Ah! I’m so proud of my guile
I Love to blab
Without any remorse
Yeah, I don’t have wits
But my friend’s worse
Slumdog Millionaire: A Celebration Or A Cremation??
After years of plunder and oppression that was inflicted on India, the West would have never imagined that India will attain such a status in the World market that it can actually dictate terms. When the entire globe has been sulking over issues like treachery, bankruptcy and recession, India has shown unmatched maturity and stability to be able to sustain its economy at home as well as market value abroad. India’s right now surging ahead in spite of the existing poverty. The Indian juggernaut seems unstoppable now. As if the West couldn’t digest it, they came up with Slumdog Millionaire, picking up every speck of dirt that they left in India over the years, and tried to hit back at the growing influence and power of India. I wonder if the film would have received similar attention had it been directed by an Indian.
Great cinematography, impeccable narrative style, mind blowing music and superb acting by the kids – these have indeed made it a master piece from the viewer’s perspective. But we have got so much carried away by the Oscar nominations and the accolades that we have preferred to ignore the jibe that’s hidden in the movie itself – India’s image in the West as a typical Slumdog – that India’s current status and stability is purely due to Luck. And here we are celebrating our insult rather shamelessly. C’mon we are not racists. We don’t preach communalism. (In present scenario, the act of riots shown in the film would probably prove fodder for the terrorist-camps to train a few more so-called freedom fighters – the Mujahideen.) And India is not just slums. It’s not that I’m trying to hide the real scenario of poverty that still exists in a sizeable proportion of the society; I’m just trying to point out that India’s NOT what’s shown in the movie. The movie simply makes me feel that the West is still living in the past and they believe India is still the same – the way they left it – poor and diseased – when they were kicked out of India by a handful of patriots. India used to be the underdogs. India used to be poor. Not anymore. India has evolved. India has done away with its past. India has grown.
The entire mood of the movie is sadistic and disgustingly weird and nasty. Of course, an Oscar nomination is a wonderful thing, but should it be at the cost of our own pride. The West’s celebration of the movie is understandable. But it hurts when we find our idols attending interviews with a huge smile and saying, “I’m happy for the film and it deserves the nominations and accolades.” C’mon! How can we smile and be happy for a film that speaks of slums, lavatories in the open, communal riots, peddlers, using kids as labourers or beggars and maiming them to make them ‘worthier’, brothels, gangsterism and everything negative.
I still remember the disgusting scene in the movie where the fake guide leads some tourists to his slum, robs them off everything and terms the act as that of “real India”. (WTF! That’s not even remotest INDIA.) And then the tourists from abroad still pay him his fees. So cunningly the director has criticized the ‘real India’ and glorified the West as if we are habituated to cheating and looting while they continue to be sober, empathetic, forgiving and pitiful.
Besides, it’s a pity the way BigB’s craze has been shown. (The way he has hit back at the film is laudable.) It just makes fun of us, the Indians – the way we are passionate about our movie stars and cricketers. I find a peculiar similarity in the way the West handle Indian surge. For example, let’s speak about cricket. When we were just inches away from the top position, we were termed chokers; when we were almost there, they termed us racists and the monkeygate chapter was born. Now, when we are finally there, they say it’s because we followed ‘their’ system and actually because ‘they were unlucky’ to lose key players due to retirement. They even jibe at us for being too selfish about personal interests rather than the team’s interests. They consider us shameless enough to hear all that and stay calm. (And as per ‘their expectations’ we are doing great by celebrating Slumdog Millionaire.)
We’re NOT what You think. We stay quite and don’t shout back because We are the great grandsons of THE BAPU. And it’s not just cricket and bollywood that we are passionate about. We’re passionate about everything we do and that’s what makes us Global leaders. And that’s what You need to understand, dear West. We have arrived and We shall reign henceforth. We shall continue to grab Your jobs and Your opportunities. We shall continue to hit Your economy hard, not by treachery or by inflicting oppression, but by Our shear talent and ability to do things the better way.
We Are Indians. Now, WE Rule The World. Stop Us If You Can!
Ghajini: What if…?
What if…
…Farha Khan/Karan Johar Directed Ghajini…
- The film name would start with a K…Probably “Kambhaqt Ghajini” or maybe “Koun Ghajini” or else “Kissa Ghajini Ka”.
- SRK would have played Aamir’s role with the screen name Rahul
- Instead of suffering from a loss of memory, he would have actually died to be re-born and take his ‘pratishodh’
- KJ special- Asin is Ghajini’s wife. She has xtramarital affairs with SRK and thats why Ghajini killed them. (SRK must get sum1 else’s girl.)
- The movie would have ended on a high with SRK finally meeting a re-born Asin
- The film would have actually started with Asin preparing for her thesis on re-birth and she would actually meet SRK within 5 mins of the start of the film. The first meeting sparks off lightning and thunderbolt and SRK would get glimpses of his past(actually a hip-hop bollywood number instead of the fight where they die).
…Rakesh Roshan Directed Ghajini…
- No surprises. Hrithik would be the hero in the film.
- Instead of a business man, he would actually be a DJ or Physical Trainer and hence the poor guy.
- Asin would be the rich gurl- the daughter of multimillionare Ghajini, heading the research on Xtraterrestrials at NASA.
- Hrithik would actually suffer from alienosis and not loss of memory. (Ghajini actually tricked Hrithik to send him to Pluto where aliens infected him with this ‘bimari’ but gifted him supernatural powers.)
- Aliens realise later that Hrithik was born because of some weird human-alien “InterAction”
and so they decided to heal him back to normal - The film will have Rajesh Roshan’s contribution in the form of copied music
- Obviously Hrithik would occupy the screen the complete duration of the film except for 15 mins(cos he had to go to the loo). He gets all attention- flexes his muscles, dances like no1 else…
- The film name has to start with a K again… “Kahaan Gaya Wo Kambhaqt Ghajini?”
…Sanjay Leela Bhansali Directed Ghajini…
- Jiah Khan would be studying in MIT.
- Aish would play the role of Asin and Salman would play the role of Aamir.
- The total film budget would be just 50 crores. (Add another 10 for the clothes and the make-up for the actors.)
- The film would actually be an hour longer because each scene HAD to be shot from all possible angles
…Ram Gopal Verma Directed Ghajini…
(Expect the Wild… I can’t match him… Help Me with this one)
- Amitabh Bachhan would be in the character that Aamir played
- The film would be titled “Ramu ki Ghajini-Bhulna Mana Hai”
- Rani would play Asin’s role
- The story would go on for 4 hours. Expect the wildest location with weirdest sets.
- The movie would have borrowed dialogues and remixed tunes with hardly any lyrics(actually the same line would keep repeating throughout the song-albeit at distinct tones and pitch).
- I was unable to decide on a suitable story. Probably it would be sthng like-
- Story 1: Amitabh dies. Rani escapes with the scar. She gives birth to Amitabh’s son who goes to school, obeys his mother, and finally gets to read his father’s diary on his 18th birthday at the end of the film. (Ramu’s actually eyeing for an sequel. So just wait…)
- Story 2- Amitabh dies, Rani escapes with the scar n fights Ghajini.
- Story 3- Amitabh dies, Rani gives birth to BigB’s son and dies. Their son kills Ghajini, Ghajini’s son knows about this at the end and decides to take revenge in the sequel.
All Hail The Great RGV!!!
